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If Programming Languages Were Vehicles

C was the great all-arounder: compact, powerful, goes everywhere, and reliable in situations where your life depends on it.

C++ is the new C — twice the power, twice the size, works in hostile environments, and if you try to use it without care and special training you will probably crash.

C# is C++ with more safety features so that ordinary civilians can use it. It looks kind of silly but it has most of the same power so long as you stay near gas pumps and auto shops and the comforts of civilization. A well-known heavily muscular intimidator keeps touting it.

Java is another attempt to improve on C. It sort of gets the job done, but it’s way slower, bulkier, spews pollution everywhere, and people will think you’re a redneck.

Python is great for everyday tasks: easy to drive, versatile, comes with all the conveniences built in. It isn’t fast or sexy, but neither are your errands.

Perl used to serve the same purpose as Python, but now only bearded ex-hippies use it.

LISP is programming stripped down to the bare essence. It’s been around since forever. Using it makes you stronger, but only an athlete or a maniac can make a living with with it.

Haskell is like a hipster version of LISP.

PHP is this hand-me-down deathtrap that you only use because you’re stuck with it, and when you hit a speed bump the wrong way it sets you and your passengers on fire.

Go is a shiny new toy that tech nerds say will be the way of the future, but it’s only practical if you limit everything you want to do to stay within its range.

COBOL probably seemed like a good idea at the time.

MATLAB is what scientists use to do special scientist things.

R is what scientists use when they can’t afford MATLAB.

OCaml is this funny shaped thing that Europeans like for some reason.

This is Javascript. If you put big wheels and a racing stripe on a golf cart, it’s still a fucking golf cart.

♪ “If you’re wondering about this choice of cars, and if they fit the facts; then repeat to yourself ‘it’s just a joke, I should really just relax…’” ♪

(via crashworks)

(Reblogged from spacejewfromhell)
(Reblogged from veilleinfo)

Our Technology Stack – Imgur Blog

Imgur has an excellent response time, and in my opinion a very smart and easy interface. I’m shocked that they manage the site in PHP, as so many savvy programmers seem against it these (not so modern as we would like to think) days. They also use HAproxy, Ngnix, Redis, and MySQL (another odd choice IMHO).

Dining Philosophers Problem:

Five silent philosophers sit at a round table with bowls of spaghetti. Forks are placed between each pair of adjacent philosophers. (An alternative problem formulation uses rice and chopsticks instead of spaghetti and forks.)

Each philosopher must alternately think and eat. However, a philosopher can only eat spaghetti when he has both left and right forks. Each fork can be held by only one philosopher and so a philosopher can use the fork only if it’s not being used by another philosopher. After he finishes eating, he needs to put down both forks so they become available to others. A philosopher can grab the fork on his right or the one on his left as they become available, but can’t start eating before getting both of them.

Eating is not limited by the amount of spaghetti left: assume an infinite supply.

The problem is how to design a discipline of behavior (a concurrent algorithm) such that each philosopher won’t starve; i.e., can forever continue to alternate between eating and thinking assuming that any philosopher cannot know when others may want to eat or think.

(Reblogged from onethingwell)
(Reblogged from awasim)
Inedia (Latin for “fasting”) or breatharianism is the belief that it is possible for a person to live without consuming food. Not surprisingly, several adherents of these practices have died from starvation and dehydration.

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Someone, dial the Darwin awards, we have a load of new candidates.

As long as I can order ramen online, I’ll be fine.

(Source: wolfliving)

(Reblogged from brucesterling)

If you haven’t yet, you should check out microjs.com, its a fantastic place where tiny little scripts can be found to suit your needs. That way you don’t end up using a huge 60kb library just to show a modal window.